For as long as I can remember I have felt like I have an invisible shield around myself. Like I am once removed from everything else on the planet. We might say this is because I originated from a certain Angel realm or Alien realm and truly AM a bit different from others. I don’t know how much you have looked into this..(haha) but as part of my journey I have. But… I am in a human body regardless of my origin and I am here to have this human experience.
When I am put into a new social situation I am naturally the quiet *observer* watching everyone taking in the energy..reading people..my intuition is like a radar and I am often going right to core of people. It’s not that I set out to do this…its just me. It is helpful in working with others…sometimes I am right about what is at their core and sometimes I am not. On the other hand it keeps me once removed from others though and from a human perspective I sometimes use it as a way to protect myself…a defense used to figure things out in advance… so I can know whats coming.
A long with this way of being in the world I would say I have always had a Spiritual orientation. In other words, I have always been asking the big questions; Why are we here? What is my purpose? What is beyond this physical experience? When I was a young 20 something I began reading all the material I could get my hands on to answer these questions..and this put me on the quest of a lifetime. I cared little about the trivial matters of everyday life and the normal conventions that others were wrapped up in. I was more concerned with answering my questions and delving deeper into this path. For me there seemed to be an urgency to it… I am excited to share more about this with you when I start writing the book I am planning on starting this year.
Interpretation of Spiritual
Being this once removed, Spiritual person,(freak) haha, quietly moving through life..propelled me to interpret this independent way of being in the world as this was how it is and has to be when your deeply spiritual *old soul* like I am. Being me, in this way has had both advantages and disadvantages. I am without a doubt independent, self sufficient and strong and well developed in many ways. But I also see how it’s kept me from experiencing some of the depth of my own humanity…When you go into relationships and situations believing that you can see through everything and what the obstacles might be and feeling as if you *know* how things will turn out..it keeps you from going down a lot of roads that may have allowed for deeper connections with people.
Integration of Higher and Lower self…
Integration of my human self and spiritual self where I am at today. Integration of my lower and higher self. Its no mistake that I am a Therapist..as I myself will admit I don’t like feeling my own pain and so some how in processing pain with other people and seeing theirs has made mine ok. Feeling my own pain is not easy for me (as its not for anyone)As of now I am still working on accepting my shadow side … I do still carry some unprocessed pain from my childhood and have more work to do with this…I am not looking forward to it.
Determined to integrate…
I am determined not to miss connections with people because I think I may know how things will turn out. I am determined to allow myself to be more vulnerable and risk looking weak…I understand now that other people do not really judge me if they see my more vulnerable side..its me thats judging me. I want to experience all the things I have kept myself from thus far and feel more balanced in this human experience.
How do you view your own journey? Has there been a sense of isolation and invisible shield for you?… I would love to hear about it your journey ❤ ❤