Choosing love…:>:>

Logically I know having a resentment isn’t good for me. I mean I really really know this..and yet…there is always just this one resentment that I seem to want to rework, rethink, talk endlessly about, regurgitate, mull over. When I attempt to let it go the anger wells up and I get lost in it all over again.
 This time it’s my boss…He came to my workplace two years ago and replaced a boss I worked well with, was successful with and who treated me with the up most respect. When he came he came like a storm and changed everything, everything including my job. He added more to my job without consideration to what I was already doing..and he did and said a whole lot of other things I despise. Despise is a strong word..I don’t like to thinks its part of my life but it is and   it fits in this situation. I am sure I could easily go on about how he interrupted my good life, disrespected me and tried to demean me but that would be boring for you..If you have heard one resentment story you have heard them all.

Making a commitment to love, to myself.
Many years ago I made a commitment to myself to always work through any resentments I had, let them go and forgive. I realize now that yes I have done that but the time it has taken  to get to the point of  forgiveness has sometimes been long… sometimes years. I made this commitment from the place of knowing that resentments hurt me not the other person …that this is the reality of it.  I keep thinking about this resentment over and over again..I will not be immersed in this any longer, give it anymore space in my head..and yet…

The struggle is present…
I am struggling and currently fueling this one  *justified* resentment with thoughts of writing a letter that nails him when I leave. A letter makes the other administers *get it* and really *see* him for who he is. I am still longing for my day in the sun where the truth will be out and everyone will see it my way.  I go over this as my head hits the pillow at night and wake up only to stop the thoughts with a cup of coffee and my Facebook page.  I drop the struggle when I am not at work but the minute I walk through the door I feel the heaviness and strong desire to leave this job. The heaviness is not only about my resentment but also about needing to move on from the job itself. I am ready to be back to the vibrant energetic person I am..there is only one way to get there..

Letting go is loving myself…from this place I *will* let go
So I come again to this commitment to myself at this time..and I come back to this truth: the most powerful tool I have is love…I won’t love him..oh of course not…lollll but I will love me…put myself back in a peaceful place and let this resentment go…I will stop the incessant, relentless angry focus on him and I will fill myself with the love I am. I will do it because I have indeed experienced myself resentment free, immersed in love and it is an unforgettably powerful place to be. Namaste


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