Compassion and Sensitivity.. I have more than my share…

                                         The vulnerable
Today at the end of my shift a homeless man was admitted. As the nurses were checking his vitals I noticed  the side of his face was swollen up and I wondered if this is what frost bite looked like. He was disheveled looking and he looked like nothing I have ever seen…he said simply “I have no home”. This is Minnesota 10 degrees below, frigid temperatures.  After he said this I had to physically remove myself from the admitting area of the Urgent Care/Detox Unit I work in because I was starting to cry…I felt such a huge swelling up of compassion for him that it was visceral and overwhelming. Wow…He just looked so so vulnerable….
          Questioning my own compassion and sensitivity
I always feel so much compassion for people. Always have…always will. I have been examining this within myself as of late…I wonder if I have unattended to issues that cause this sensitivity. Iwonder that my strong desire to help others is connected to not feeling some of my own pain. I don’t see it to same the degree in the people around me. Sure the people I work with are all compassionate people for the most part. But..me.. I am moved to tears on a regular basis..Its not usually about my own life but  about the plights that other people have gotten themselves into. I believe we all create our own reality(Quantum Physics) but some have very difficult situations to overcome  to reach these higher levels of consciousness. When you live in extreme poverty, mental illness, violence its not easy to evolve to the place where you can understand that its you that is creating everything..I understand this and have compassion for the layers and layers of truth that have to be peeled back to get to this point. I know its not impossible but its challenging.
A couple weeks ago I was walking with my coworker and there was a homeless man in the skyway that was telling me his “story” as we walked by..I stopped and was listening and my coworker rolled his eyes and said “come on Renae lets go” I wanted to stay and hear him out and listen to his story. No I didn’t really have the time but its just my natural reaction…In that instant I saw my own sensitivity again and noticed the difference between myself and my coworker. 
 I am still in the process of determining what my own underlying issues might be and why I might have an abundance of compassion. Why do feel so deeply for other people? I am not saying necessarily that anything is wrong with this but I know I have always had some dissonance surrounding being a Therapist and having realizations that it might not be so good for me to be so empathic…Eventually I will just be doing Coaching work and won’t be around crisis type situations on a regular basis and am really looking forward to how this will lighten my life…
For right now ….I like being so compassionate and sensitive and am getting better at working with it and allowing it. When I was younger I put up a tough exterior to hide it …I guess because it didnt look like others were feeling it to the degree I was…Perhaps they were hiding it too..

I would love to hear your thoughts on this…

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